Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is terribly difficult. I have cried many times already and I imagine I shall cry many times more before I make it to England. In my church, you talk about serving a mission your whole life but you don't really truly talk about it. It occupies space in your mental plans for the future, but that space is filled with uncertainty. No one talks about how difficult it is to leave. And it is difficult. But, I would not be doing it if I did not believe what I do. I love my family. I love my friends. I am so grateful for your support leading up to this moment. I ask you now to continue supporting me. There are two ways you can do this. First, shoot me an email every now and then. I love keeping up with your lives and hearing what's going on. Second, watch out for my family. They are strong people but we have been through a lot, and knowing that I am not leaving them high and dry but instead encircled in the arms of trusted friends gives me great comfort.

I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love my Father in Heaven. I am excited to serve.

Note: I'll not have my phone nor access to social media for the next two years. If you want to contact me for the next two years, I can only be reached by email at the following address (finnegan.mckinley@myldsmail.net), or mail (for the first three weeks) at the address below:

Temple Way
Chorley, Lancashire PR6 7EQ
England
United Kingdom

Second Note: I gave a farewell address in church that many people wanted to read so the transcript is below if you're interested.

It is odd to think that this moment at the podium will be the last one I’ll have on this side of the Atlantic for the next two years. I like to think that the next time I stand here, I will have returned from the United Kingdom with two years as a missionary for the church under my belt. So today, I would like to take the time to share three things: why I am serving a mission, what the gospel of Jesus Christ means to me, and finally two lessons I have learned that have prepared me to serve.

Alma the Younger, a prophet from the Book of Mormon, wanted his sons to make righteous decisions and lead good lives. He took the time to counsel with each of them. I specifically want to touch on the words Alma spoke to his son Helaman in Alma 37:35

“O, remember my son, learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God.”

I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with loving parents and leaders who, like Alma, want me to make righteous decisions and lead a good life. As a youth in the church, I heard the same counsel Alma gave Helaman from the mouths of these trusted leaders and parents, specifically regarding the choice to serve a mission. I was told that I needed to decide young if I wanted to serve a mission, because a commitment made early on in life is harder to break down the road. Yes, as a male priesthood holder in this church, I have a responsibility to serve. But, as a son of a loving Heavenly Father with access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I also have the agency to choose whether or not I serve. For me, the choice to serve did not come in an instant, rather overtime, as my faith, testimony, and personal belief in Jesus Christ, his gospel, and especially his Atonement, grew. I have a personal testimony that we do not always receive revelation in its entirety. Sometimes, the Lord takes time to work within us and help us come to a knowledge of truth bit by bit.

I cannot look back and tell you the singular instant I decided to go to BYU. Yet I know that going to BYU was the best decision I could have made and the blessings I have received from that choice are innumerable. I know that the Lord helped guide me to that decision because of said blessings. The same rings true for my decision to serve a mission. I cannot look back and tell you the singular instant I decided to serve a mission. I cannot yet tell you the blessings I have received from serving a mission. We can wallow in disappointment together for a brief moment given that neither I nor you know what blessings will come out of these next two years of service. However, we can rejoice together in my testimony and faith that blessings will indeed come.  I have a testimony that when we exercise faith in the Lord when making righteous decisions, the Lord honors our agency and blesses us in attempts to keep His commandments.

I know that serving a mission will be difficult. I am making a conscious choice to set aside my life for the time being. I am leaving behind a family still reeling from the loss of my brother. I am leaving behind the support group that has bolstered me up in times of sorrow. I am leaving behind my college education and plans for the future. This is so terribly and extremely difficult for me to do. The times that I have cried thinking about having to be apart from my family for the next two years, especially in their time of need, are many. I have a deep and abiding love for my family, friends, and just people in general. Many of you have experienced that love. Having experienced it, you know that I would not just leave all of this behind were it not for something I truly believed. It is out of this love that I choose to serve. For this gospel has brought me so much joy and happiness, I want to share it with the world. I have felt the redeeming power of Christ’s Atonement. I have felt my Savior’s love and the love of my Father in Heaven. I want others to know of this love and of the Plan set in place by a loving Father to bring us all back into His presence. I have made mistakes. I am nowhere near perfect. In fact, I’d consider myself a few ticks below mediocre personally. Yet we are afforded the opportunity to repent of our wrongdoings and get back on track when we mess up. The Lord tells His people, the House of Israel, in 1 Nephi 20:10

“For behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.”

He knows that we are not perfect. That’s why he gave us the chance to come here, to Earth, to learn and grow from challenges and trials. These challenges and trials refine us. I think we often times sugarcoat our trials and gloss over the pain they cause us now and say as the Lord did to Joseph Smith in Liberty jail that these trials “shall be for [our] good” therefore we need not dismay. I used to do this a lot. Then Sawyer died. To this point, I cannot tell you how his passing has been for my good because it hasn’t. I probably will not be able to tell you until after this mortal life when I have a more eternal understanding. And that is okay. It is okay to feel pain and sorrow. As stated in the scripture earlier, it is not a nice pleasant meadow of affliction, but rather a furnace. This means that we will feel burned at times in life. At that point we make a decision. We either reject what we believe or hold onto it and attempt to gain a better understanding of life and eternal truths. For me, I found a small portion of understanding in Mosiah 15:25

“And little children also have eternal life.”

I do not know why Sawyer died but I do know that he has eternal life. And this is the beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Not eternal life by itself, but the idea that we can come to find happiness, joy, freedom, and peace in this life and the next by following the words and teachings of Christ and his disciples.

I would like to share with you two lessons I have learned that have helped me grow in the gospel and prepare to serve a mission:

·         Life is allowed to be difficult:

o   Following Sawyer’s passing, I spent a week at home with my family and then went back out to school at BYU. It was challenging. It was extremely difficult. I found myself struggling more than usual in my studies. I kept being hard on myself, telling myself that I could be doing better than I was. This only added to the stress typically experienced by the everyday college student. It was during this time that two people helped me understand that life is allowed to be difficult: my BYU Stake President and my Mother. At one point fall semester, I felt that I should approach my stake president and ask for advice about my situation. He told me that in times of difficulty, all you need to do is a little bit more. He told me to take a step forward, but that the size of the step didn’t matter. As long as I did just a little bit more than I had the day before, I could get through it. My mom said something using a similar metaphor with a different message. She told me that when faced with challenges, we need to focus on survival. When life becomes too much to bear, stop moving forward all together and just stand where you are. Anchor yourself where you are. You may not be moving forward, but you sure aren’t moving backward. In these moments, you are allowed to serve yourself. Shore up the foundation you stand on and preserve yourself. Then, when you feel like you have a firm foundation, keep moving forward.
“Adam fell that men might be”. In order to, as Nephi said “be”, we must experience both the joy and misery of life. We are expected to experience difficulties so we are allowed to let life to be difficult. However, where we allow life to be difficult, we also must remember that “[we] are, that [we] might have joy.” This brings me to my next lesson.

·         Joy is accessible always:

o   Dealing with the loss of a loved one is complex. You begin to reevaluate everything in your life, from your priorities to your worldview to your plans for the future. Certain things that were simply a part of everyday life become things that remind you of the one you lost. Things once loved and cherished become difficult and painful now that the one you love is no longer physically present. However, even in some of these deeply intense and painful moments, I have found joy. It has come in the form of laughter at the outrageous personality my brother had. It has come in the deep connection I have with my family and the knowledge that I am sealed to them for eternity. Joy has often accompanied sorrow. The best way to explain it is to liken it to a group project. Sorrow is that person that doesn’t carry any weight, who creates problems you never thought would occur and genuinely just makes life more difficult for you. Joy is that person everyone wants to work with. It’s that person who makes your workload bearable and even enjoyable. Some days you have to work with Sorrow and some days you get to work with Joy. But no matter what, Joy will always be available. Maybe it’s spending time with a loved one. Maybe it’s moments spent alone. Regardless of the circumstance, we can have joy through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The Atonement of Christ is not just for repentance. Alma 7:12 states that Christ suffered so

“he [could] know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities”.

In closing, I would like to take a moment to express my gratitude. First I am grateful for the opportunity I have to serve a mission. I am grateful to those who have helped me get to this moment. Next I am grateful to my friends who are like a second family to me. I am truly humbled by their support and love for me. I am grateful for my first family. I have been blessed with the most amazing family, all the way from distant relatives down to the closest inner circle of family members. I am grateful for my mother, who has taught me to be diligent in all my efforts, most importantly in my gospel efforts. I am grateful for my father, who has taught me that greatness comes from the man who is humble. I am grateful for my parents, who have taught me what love is and how to let it flourish. I am grateful to my brother Grayson, for the grounding stone he is for me and for the tender spirit he has. I am grateful to Sawyer, for always reminding me that I capable of so much more than I think. I am grateful to Sterling, for the light she is in my life. Lastly I am grateful for this gospel and the Savior and loving Heavenly Father who authored it. I am grateful for the Atonement of Christ and the plan that has been laid out for us to make it back to our Father in Heaven. I testify… (bear testimony and then share 2 Nephi 22:2 as final words)